You can be shunned without being disfellowshipped.
Blondie's spot on. This is perhaps what has happened to CLV. The Pay Attention book, page 100 says
If the sinful conduct is known only to believing family members and no congregation action is taken because of the factors outlined above, believing relatives will likely determine to curtail family association severely, viewing the relative as bad association. (1 Cor. 15 :33)
The elder body is required to try and contact you by phone and if you can't be reached that way, by registered letter 3 times before they go ahead and DF a person.
This is, I think, slightly less clear. The instructions are, no doubt deliberately, vague and imprecise.
As an aside,
it's the judicial committee rather than the elder body as a whole that deals with the matter (a fine distinction, I know, especially in small congregations with few elders).
The Pay Attention book, page 110 says:
Do not send an individual any kind of correspondence
that directly accuses him of specific wrongdoing.
It is best for two elders to speak with the individual and
invite him to meet with the judicial committee .
Suitable arrangements should be made as to the time
and place of the hearing.
State what the person's course of action is supposed to
have been.
If it is necessary to send a written invitation, you should
simply state what the individual's course is alleged
to have
been, the time and place of the hearing, and how the
person can contact the chairman if the arrangements are
inconvenient for him.
However, the Pay Attention book, page 110 says:
If the accused repeatedly fails to come to the hearing, the committee will proceed with the hearing but will not make a decision until evidence and any testimony by witnesses are considered.
The committee should have at least made "repeaded" attempts to contact the accused.
Remembering, of course, the number of times that committees are either unaware of, or choose to totally ignore, such instructions, it is still quite possible that someone could have been disfellowshipped without having been notified.
Of course, the judicial committee can instead decide that, by one's actions, one has disassociated oneself. According to the Pay Attention book, page 102:
Those who disassociate themselves should be viewed and treated the same as disfellowshipped persons. (w85 7/15 pp. 30-1)
The judicial committee is still supposed to have two witnesses to these actions. However, they can decide a person has disassociated himself and announce it to the congregation without meeting with the alleged offender.
